The pathless land

I sat on the edge

of an ocean, setting sun

no roads to follow.

I am at the end of the road, of a life-long journey. I came all this way to look at what I thought was the last best hope and instead find that I have to set aside all my illusions that there is really somewhere that actually practices what it preaches, lives up to it's expectations and could become a home of like-minded individuals on the same quest with the same passion and integrity. Since it appears a lost cause I have to confront that fact and then get on with it. I might feel some pain but it is also strangely liberating. All paths have been trod and found wanting. I feel like I am being stripped clean like bark off a tree. It is a cleansing process and tossing away the accumulated garbage of a long life can lighten the step. It's like throwing your life into the Large Hadron Collider until you hit the wall, splitting yourself up, breaking apart and then picking up the pieces to map the scattering shards, read the runes and move on. I made a mistake early in life by taking an epiphany that came unbidden and then to try to fit it into the mould of present spiritual and philosophical experience rather than just get into the depths of what it represents for me personally without being put into a straight jacket of thought and living that could never express it. I now have to get face to face with myself without any filters and go into the pathless land.